I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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