I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
