Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
