u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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