It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize