I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
