There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
