What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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