How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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