He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
