Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize