its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
