1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
