You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Randomize
