I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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