So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
