girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
