Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
