Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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