She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
