my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
