I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
