Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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