My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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