he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
