Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
