I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
