I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
