i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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