I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
