i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
organizing the empties. That sober.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
