I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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