So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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