You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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