she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm like, not good at living.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
