32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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