his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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