Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
