i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
