Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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