I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
