Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
