I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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