one two three fourrrrnication!
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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