bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
