I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
