it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize