He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
