Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
