I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
