So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i believe in u and ur pee
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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