Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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