WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
my poor anus
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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