I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
