One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
