I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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