I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
