You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize