You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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