Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
