Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
