im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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