The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
