It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
