i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
