i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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