It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
