You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
