Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
