I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
