i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just found a bag of teeth...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
